Untitled (Poem, maybe?)

by Whitefang Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:39 am

Well.. im no too certain this can even be considered a poem, but Im slightly bored and feel like sharing something I thought up one broody night at work.. Feel free to give suggestions, and critique. I enjoy hearing the thoughts of those who see (or in this case, read) something I've done. Sorry if its crude, but I'm tryping it straight from anote pad in my phone and havn't really had the time to fix it aestheticly. Also.. I suck at titleling my stuff, so any suggestions on a title too would be much appreciated ^ ^;;

Sticks and stones might break thy bones, but words pierce mine soul.
So set asside thine rage and pride, to lead the wayward home.
When in our ime, our fate designed, for what will we be known.

Sorry again for any atrocious grammar or punctuation, its been a VERY long time since ive done any kind of writing, so im a bit rusty, also, I was going for an arechaic feel to the wording so please keep that in mind when helping me out ^ ^

by **Lover** Thu Dec 02, 2010 7:07 pm

While short, I think your poem offers a lot of insight, and it's very unique Very Happy

. I really liked the wording, and the very first line hooked me in. If there's any critique I could give, I'd only say that maybe you should add another stanza or two, maintaining the rhyme scheme and the wording. (I dunno what would would describe words such as thine and stuff like that xD)

by Whitefang Thu Dec 02, 2010 7:09 pm

I started the poem about 6 months ago and only recently added the last bit, like just about everything "artsy" i do.. It takes me a while to finish it, but it "evolves" as I go.

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Untitled (Poem, maybe?)

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